The Thing!

I left my hometown, Bhusaval, ten years, four months and  20 days ago. And it has been a very long, tortuous journey since then. Not to mention full of adventure and making good friends throughout. My first stop after venturing out of my hometown was my alma mater, Garware College's hostel. Like everyone else I was confused about what  to do in my life. I was restless, rather I would say that was the beginning of the state of restlessness for next ten years or so. At first, the restlessness arose because I did not know what to do with my life. The first year and first semester proved to be highly unproductive and which set the trend for all the first academic semester thereon, be it masters orPh.D. It took me while to figure out which branch of science I like the most. I always had an inclination towards Physics, since high school, but I never thought about pursuing it as a career. Besides, during this uncertain times, I met and attended seminars of people from various background. One day I would be passionate about life science, the other day I would be passionate about politics and dream  about leading a revolution in my country. With such a broad spectrum to choose from, I felt like leaving it up to destiny or whatever to figure out itself for me. My interaction with undergraduate Physics professor left a lasting impression on my mind about physics in particular and science in general. I started applying for the summer internship on his encouragement and while applying for an internship, I came across a very exciting field of Nanoscience. That is it! I decided this is what I want to do for rest of my life. This is the "thing" I was looking for. But to pursue Nanoscience, I need to pursue a graduate course from one of the most expensive colleges. So to do that, I had to earn and save some money to kick start my graduate degree. Working at fortune 500 company was an amazing experience. But again I was always restless. I knew this is not what I was going to do for rest of my life. I had a great time there, but at the back of my mind, I used to always think about what next? And how? Once I started my graduate studies, I grew restless about getting hands on experience and I started looking for summer and winter internship. Once, I started "doing" science I realized, this is the "thing" I needed. But even that did quench the restlessness in me. During my research project, I realized it is not enough. I need to do more. Maybe pursue Ph.D. And then began another phase of restlessness in my life. What should be my area of research? Where should I pursue it? How to initiate the process? U.S.A That is it. That is the "thing". But to go there I had to earn some money again. But, luckily this time I got work at I.I.T and in the field that was not related to my interest, but it was Physics, which was great. I had a great time in Delhi, met amazing people, had an opportunity to hear great personalities give a talk. But, even during these great moments, I was restless, because I knew this is just a transit, not the destination. I finally got acceptance and arrived at the U.S.A. What now? I have been restless for so long, that it became my nature. It took me some time to realize, that I don't need to be restless. I am in a place and position to do research peacefully. Fulfill the objective of my research, But, at the same time I also realized, this restlessness is what drove me so far. It made me go from one place to another. The more I ventured out, more I came to know about myself. Now without the restlessness, I feel empty and aimless. Restlessness is the "thing" that is missing. I am looking for the "thing" that stays with me. That, no matter what happens, gives solace to me. It should remain in one corner, unperturbed. The anchor. What is that thing? Glory? Achievement? Person? Position? Content? AAAARRRGGGHH! Am I just getting restless again to find that "Thing"

The Bumpy Ride!

First thing first! Buy a car! The day my U.S. visa got accepted, I started looking for the used cars sitting in my lab at IIT-Delhi. I came to know through multiple sources that buying a car in the U.S is pretty easy and not an expensive deal. I looked into various website and calculated that with the stipend I am going to get and amount of money I am going to save, being such a teetotaler (that was sarcasm BTW), I can manage to buy a car within three months of my arrival in the U.S. 

Looking back at those days I realize how naive I was to assume that my stipend is enough for sustaining, and saving a huge amount at the same time. I totally forgot to factor in the expense of my course fees, weekend parties and, of course, hogging food at various restaurants. The need for buying a car diminished when I started getting free rides. But, when that stopped and winter came, the desire to buy a car grew stronger. I then realized that I do not have learner's permit at first place. After failing the test in the first attempt and then rescheduling the test for more than 15 times (I won't reveal the exact number to save myself from further embarrassment!) I finally got the learner's permit. Later on, I came to know I haven't used my credit card for sufficient duration to reflect my credit score, which did not allow the banks to approve the loan. Once my credit score was up, which was, well, like any other score I secured throughout my life; terrible. Once my credit score improved , I could secure a loan and zero down to a dealer and vehicle I wanted to buy. I went to 3-4 dealer, drove 3-4 vehicle and finally zeroed down to one I felt like having when I was test driving it. So, I got the loan, I got the car, problem solved, right? No! 

My car being towed!

This was just the beginning second phase of my problem. At first I did not have insurance, well, which I had it in a couple of days. Driving without insurance was not a big problem as compared to driving without a license. I had to wait to get the tag for the vehicle and wait for more than three weeks to get an appointment for my drive test. Finally, when the test date was nearing, my car broke down! That was the mother of all problem. That weekend I spent looking for various mechanics, watching videos figuring out what is  wrong with the car etc. Finally, on Monday morning I had my car towed to the mechanic. Meanwhile, I borrowed  my friend's car for the driving test, which I failed, not once but twice. Finally, when I got my car back, I took it to the dealer to have it tested again to make sure everything is fine. And then, finally I cleared my drive test and got my license, after more than 45 days of buying/driving of the car. Now, finally I can take pleasure in driving my car, with my favorite music playing loud in the background. The independence that comes with having a car is unmatched, and, of course, the expense is unmatched too, but worth it. I sometimes indulge in driving without destination, through the countryside, downtown during late night, expressways, just to experience the feeling that I have always imagined while looking for a car in the corner of my lab at IIT-Delhi.And yes it is same like I had imagined! Pristine! Amazing!

Gandhi!

The name that is known by the entire nation and most of the world. One of the great souls who preached and followed the path of truth and nonviolence who also  played a pivotal role in India's independence movement and most importantly upliftment of poor, socially backward and victim of India's age old cast system.

The name "Gandhi", being synonymous with truth and nonviolence, is also invoked during election campaigns to make  rhetorical statements and  show false allegiance to truth, non-violence etc. We as a school going kid always came across his philosophy and his trials and triumphs with the truth. On a personal note, I have always had a very unclear opinion about Gandhi. When someone is called "Mahatma"  you expect them to be perfect in every way and assume their decisions are perfect. However, the word "Mahatma" takes away the objectivity and makes us either a blind follower or a sharp critique. Maybe I was disillusioned by the word "Mahatma" and stopped looking at him as a normal human being, hence lost objectivity. One of the statements we frequently come across is "is Gandhian values still relevant in today's  world. And most common responses are either; it is relevant now more than ever or in today's globalized world, Gandhian values have no place. What exactly are Gandhian Values? Truth, non-violence, upliftment of poor, social inclusion, compassion? What is so new about it? What is so "Gandhian" about it? Have we not come across the importance of truth, non-violence, compassion through our age old scriptures of various religion? Is it not something taught to us when we were  kids by our parents, our teachers? What did Gandhi teach us  that was completely new? To quote Gandhi himself "I have nothing new to teach the world. Truth and Non-violence are as old as the hills. All I have done is to try experiments in both on as vast a scale as I could" Then how come we always associate truth and non-violence with Gandhi? Why is Gandhi considered to be the epitome of compassion, honesty, and simplicity? Maybe, during the course of our history, we forgot those value. We forgot we need to be compassionate towards fellow citizen irrespective of their cast and religion. And Gandhi through our freedom movement invoked these principles.

Why this blog? I have been thinking about "relevance" of Gandhian philosophy and I came across a very nice article in National Geographic Magazine. The authors of the article traveled across Gujarat (Gandhi's native state) to see where Gandhi resides in today's world. Though I have been reading about Gandhian philosophy, it has always been reflected as something, very naive, and one who follows it cannot survive in today's world. Of course, this a parochial way to look at something that has a far-reaching implication. The article also spoke about the  people who are working towards the upliftment of lower caste, developing villages, educating and empowering women, building schools, lowering infant mortality rate and so on. And people who were working in these areas are mostly student from Gujarat Vidyapeeth, students who still use spin wheels to stitch their cloth. Who, still, believe in non-violence. How could they achieve so much in terms of rural development, women empowerment, and poverty eradication? These students, not only learned about Gandhian philosophy, they also practiced it, by being compassionate towards the fellow citizen, being truthful towards their objective. Over the course time, we forgot about being compassionate, the rat race created by capitalism has made us more selfish and less receptive towards social problems. I have always wondered, what is my role towards the society I live in? How can I contribute towards the betterment of less fortunate people? But this always has been a fleeting thought. I could never act upon it. With so many events happening around and with my own trials and triumphs, which is so overwhelming that these thoughts always takes the back seat. The article in NatGeo has at least forced me to introspect about Gandhian value and its relevance. Compassion is something, that is there in each of us. However, in the race for our own survival, we tend to forget about fellow human being. One of the students, who devoted his life to developing a village, made a parting statement "still so much has to be done". And that made me wonder, is one lifetime enough? But, with collective effort, nothing is impossible. Like, in the field of science, with the collective effort we have achieved so much in such short span of time if we could start a revolution for societal transformation that would be far more rewarding than any of the technological achievements. 

P.S.  "If you're a Gandhian, you don't just preach, you do" ~ P.V Rajagopal